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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935659">Juno Steel and the Audacity of this Bitch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_eccentric/pseuds/hopeless_eccentric'>hopeless_eccentric</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aliases, Crack, Mentions of Violence, Office AU, Other, essentially murderous mask without the murder or the mask and it's in an office, gratuitous HR protocol violation, ish, it's one line in passing, juno gets smooched against a copier the musical, not like the tv show just a standard office, rex glass - Freeform, stealing someone's lunch is a serious offense okay, this is the worst idea i've ever had and somehow it's the only one i managed to write</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:00:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,403</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_eccentric/pseuds/hopeless_eccentric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You must be the new guy,” Juno managed in less than three breaths. </p><p>“Quite the detective, you are,” the new guy teased, though there was no malice in his voice. “Rex Glass. I’m temporarily filling in for a worker on maternity leave. I’ll be in and out of your hair in a blink of an eye, if you wish. However, I do sincerely hope our time together may exceed that.” </p><p>So the walking HR violation had a name, and that name was Rex Glass. </p><p>“Juno Steel. Pleased to meet you.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>173</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Juno Steel and the Audacity of this Bitch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hoo boy. This is my first fic for Penumbra, so I hope this all goes well! This started as a joke, but I hope you all enjoy reading it!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Juno thought it was going to be a normal day at the office, just answering the phone’s infernal ringing and feigning pleasantries over the drone of the frigid air conditioning. He thought he’d spend half a day sending half hearted pleasantries into the inbox of whoever was sent his way and the other half alone in his apartment with cheap takeout, ideally. Less ideally, Cap’n Crunch and Cap’n Morgan. </p><p>It would have been like any other day at the office, if not for the new guy. One cubicle over, trouble himself sauntered into the room like he owned the place. Judging by the designer brand on that belt, either his father or sugar daddy probably did. He had a smile like he wrote “darling” in half of his emails and sharp eyes like he wrote “dearest” in the rest. Something about the rest of him made a part of Juno feel like he wouldn’t mind being on the receiving end of one of them. </p><p>Juno caught himself staring a moment too late, face flushing upon locking eyes with his new coworker. The new guy’s box of personal items dropped onto the desk with a bang, his gaze, and that damned smile turning upon Juno. Juno couldn’t decide if it looked charming or hungry. The man looked like he violated HR protocol twice before breakfast, and Juno wasn’t sure he entirely disliked that. </p><p>“You must be the new guy,” Juno managed in less than three breaths. </p><p>“Quite the detective, you are,” the new guy teased, though there was no malice in his voice. “Rex Glass. I’m temporarily filling in for a worker on maternity leave. I’ll be in and out of your hair in a blink of an eye, if you wish. However, I do sincerely hope our time together may exceed that.” </p><p>So the walking HR violation had a name, and that name was Rex Glass. </p><p>“Juno Steel. Pleased to meet you.”</p><p>Rex’s mouth twitched like he had won something. </p><p>“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Juno,” he started in a voice that cut through the hum of chatter and air conditioning like a knife, low and soft and the last thing Juno had expected to be distracting him on a lazy Wednesday morning. “Hyperion Enterprises is quite beautiful, you know. I’ve worked in many an impressive office, but the view from these windows is something else.”</p><p>“Save it. Spend more than a few minutes here and the view is the last thing you’re worried about.”</p><p>Rex paused, brow knit as his gaze fell back to his personal items. He bit his lip in thought. </p><p>Juno’s heart shouldn’t have done a backflip at the sight, but after such a bold introduction, the moment felt nearly intimate. He shook his head, trying to pry whatever idiotic train of thought had taken over him from its tracks. He tried to get back to work. He tried to glance back at his email.</p><p>But Rex Glass had smiled up at him once more, and any train of thought beginning with “to whom it may concern” promptly crashed. </p><p>“I was wondering, Juno—“</p><p>Juno hated what the sound of his name dripping from Rex’s lips was doing to him, on a Wednesday at 9:30am, for God’s sake. </p><p>“How long have you worked here?”</p><p>The question snapped him back to reality. </p><p>“Long enough to know where the break room is,” Juno joked, eyeing the mug Rex was unloading. “I’ll save you the question and show you the way.”</p><p>He could’ve pointed it out. He didn’t. </p><p>“My, my, I seem to have found myself in the company of a lady detective.” </p><p>“Don’t get too used to it. I’m hardly this fun on days when I don’t feed my caffeine dependency,” Juno snorted. Rex honest-to-goodness offered him an arm as he stood. </p><p>“Quite the gentleman.” </p><p>“You do know what Rex means, don’t you Juno?” Rex’s mouth twitched, as if laughing at a joke he didn’t particularly feel the need to share. </p><p>“My basic Latin says ‘king,’ but my red flag detector is saying ‘guy who took Psych 101 a little too seriously,’” Juno retorted. His arm returned to his side, heart sinking with it. </p><p>Rex laughed. Juno wished the sound would never end. </p><p>“No, no, I’m afraid the former of your guesses was correct,” he chuckled. His gaze had yet to tear from Juno, not bothering to learn the directions to the break room as they walked. “It means king. I intend to live up to it. So do forgive me for my attempts at a fitting first impression, detective.”</p><p>The nickname got a snort out of Juno, who paused at the entrance to the break room. </p><p>“Well, before you ask my sun, moon, and rising sign, the coffee machine’s over there, and it’s got settings for hot water if you want tea. Standard office rules for the microwave. No fish. And there’s the communal fridge if you want to bring your own lunch. Just don’t take anybody else’s.”</p><p>“And do you keep anything in that fridge, detective?” </p><p>“My sense of fun.”</p><p>“Oh, really, Juno, you mustn’t—“</p><p>“Fine then. My yogurt,” Juno retorted, feeling his traitorous lips pull into a smile and his backstabbing heart do a flip at the smile’s reciprocity. </p><p>“Any office silverware?”</p><p>“None. Why do you ask?”</p><p>Rex bit his lip again, manicured nails drumming on his thigh. Juno was unsure if Rex had meant to brush his knuckles past his waist in the process. </p><p>“I’ve seen many a break room in my life, Juno,” he began, regaining composure. “It always pays to know the right questions to ask. Much like getting to know people, I’d say.” </p><p>The room was empty, and the hallway behind dead silent. Juno’s heart leapt. It was a Wednesday morning, and he was supposed to be writing emails. He was supposed to be making phone calls. He was supposed to be sucking up to corporate bullshit. Yet here he was, alone in the break room with HR’s worst nightmare. And a not insignificant part of him wanted nothing more than to be kissing him up against the spare copier right now. </p><p>“And have you found the right ones to ask me?” </p><p>Rex grinned. It was the kind of smile a predator wore right before tearing out the throat of its prey. Sensibly, Juno should have minded that at least a little. However, his sense seemed to be tucked away in the same corner of the fridge as his yogurt.</p><p>Juno’s heartbeat doubled when Rex reached behind him and closed the break room door with a finite click.</p><p>“I don’t know, detective,” he said, eyes flitting to Juno’s lips. “I suppose I just have one question.”</p><p>The silence hung in the air, thick enough that it could have been cut with a knife. Instead, Rex cut through it with the click of six inch heels as he strode over to Juno, practically backing him into a wall. </p><p>“Do you want to find out?”</p><p>There were two inches between them by Juno’s estimate, though he was only counting between their lips. He could only pray he wouldn’t soon be wearing the cherry red grin currently eating him alive. </p><p>Then there was a hand on his lapel and one in his back pocket and a set of hips so solid and insistent that it took him a several long and slow and gasping moments to realize his back was against the spare copier and his mouth was being worshipped by an office temp he’d known for fifteen minutes now. </p><p>A shift of hands and a quiet gasp of “Juno“ insinuated the moment was coming to an end, though his mind was so thoroughly misplaced that all he could do was voice his single thought. </p><p>“Rex.”</p><p>They were left breathless and once again, two cruel inches apart. Rex’s lipstick hadn’t even smudged. His mouth pulled into a smug little smile as he leaned away, hand tucking into one of few pockets such a tight ensemble would allow. </p><p>“Tell me I’m not wearing your lipstick,” Juno mustered after a moment.</p><p>Rex laughed as if he hadn’t expected the noise to escape his chest. If Juno’s insides weren’t already liquid, they would have melted again.</p><p>“You’re not wearing my lipstick, darling,” he chuckled, sliding a finger along his lower lip. He grinned as his nail caught the place Juno’s teeth had been mere moments before. “Smudge proof.”</p><p>“Really. You got my hopes up, Glass. At least leave me a souvenir in exchange for what you took.”</p><p>Rex’s widened eyes and the clenching of his hand around something unseen in a pocket was enough confirmation for Juno. </p><p>“Beg pardon?”</p><p>“My spoon.”</p><p>“I don’t have the first idea what you’re talking about.” </p><p>For such a flirt, he was an unconvincing liar. The part of Juno not laser focused on his newly empty back pocket was a little too excited at what that might mean. He pushed the thought aside. </p><p>“And to think I—you used me, Glass.”</p><p>“Juno, I would never. You just happened to be both my solution and next adventure,” Rex attempted to explain. “You’re not just a pawn to me.” </p><p>“Like hell I am!” Juno spat. “You used me just to get to my yogurt.”</p><p>“Do you think that lowly of yourself, Juno?” </p><p>Juno wished he would stop saying his name in that kind of way that put his heart in a taffy puller. He opened his mouth to speak, but there was no stopping Rex. </p><p>“Do you think I waltz into every new office I’m assigned to and kiss the first pretty worker with yogurt and a wrapped spoon?”</p><p>“No. I’m sure you do it to people with soup, too,” Juno shot back. </p><p>“You think I’m a monster, don’t you?” </p><p>“Well shit, who’s the detective now?” </p><p>Rex bristled, knuckles going visibly white as he opened his mouth to speak, though his hands soon unfurled as he let out a breath. He fixed the strand of hair that had fallen out of place, and met Juno’s eye once more. </p><p>“I meant all of it. Every word. Every question. The kiss. I didn’t kiss you just for your spoon, Juno,” Rex said, words themselves seeming to pull Juno’s gaze to the floor. “Report me to HR if you must, though I’m afraid they will have trouble pinning me for much. I had a position open for next week that I intended to decline, but, if my working situation were to change, I might just accept the offer.”</p><p>“If you go,” Juno began, gaze up at Rex Glass once more, every polished inch and misplaced hair. “How can I find you again?” </p><p>The return of Rex’s debonair grin made Juno’s knees protest against the concept of standing. </p><p>“I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely honest with you, Juno, as my name is, in fact, not Rex Glass,” he began, unwrapping the spoon and reaching for the fridge. Juno was too stunned to stop him, nor to mention the absurd time of day to be stealing, let alone eating yogurt. </p><p>“You, and you alone, may call me Peter Nureyev. I use an alias when working to separate my business and personal life,” he explained, peeling the top off of Juno’s yogurt. </p><p>“How can I be sure you’re not using it to hide some kind of past from your employers?” Juno asked. </p><p>“You can’t be. There are former incidents I simply don’t want to be tied to,” Nureyev explained. “We all have things we’d rather leave behind, Juno.”</p><p>“Such as?”</p><p>“I stabbed my former employer.”</p><p>Juno laughed hard enough that he missed when Nureyev didn’t.</p><p>“Never took you as much of a comedian,” Juno chuckled. “You’d better be paying me back for that yogurt.”</p><p>“Of course I am. I’m buying your lunch.”</p><p>“Really now,” Juno snorted. </p><p>“Don’t take that tone with me, of course I am. How was I supposed to ask you to lunch if you already had food here?” Nureyev grinned, dropping both the finished yogurt and the spoon in the trash without breaking eye contact with Juno. </p><p>“You bastard. If you wanted to ask me to lunch, there are a million better ways to do it.”</p><p>“And a million far less memorable ways. If I may pry, when was the last time someone asked you to lunch via seduction and theft?”</p><p>Juno felt his face burn. </p><p>“I wouldn’t say it was seduction,” he laughed nervously, suddenly fascinated with a spot on the floor. </p><p>“My apologies,” Nureyev began with a knowing smirk. “When was the last time you were asked to lunch via theft and temptation?”</p><p>Juno snorted. </p><p>“You’re digging yourself a hole, Nureyev,” he laughed, unable to help liking the sound of the name on his lips. </p><p>“If I might question you once more, may I ask for your arm?” </p><p>Peter had two hands outstretched, one of which was holding a pen Juno could have sworn was in his pocket this morning. </p><p>Juno paused quizzically before rolling up a sleeve and laying his forearm into Peter’s hands. Nureyev’s pen flourished, leaving a phone number in its wake. </p><p>“Now,” Nureyev began, offering his arm to Juno as if he were a fainting Victorian from a period drama, rather than a lady who could walk back to his own desk without assistance. “I’m afraid I must soon part from your company.” </p><p>“I’ll be two feet away if you get lonely,” Juno snorted. </p><p>“Twenty four inches too many, in my book.”</p><p>The arm was dropped by the time they were back to their cubicles, returning the pair to the droning normalcy of a workday and the quiet rush of pretending the morning hadn’t happened. </p><p>Juno wrote a couple less emails than usual, chalking it up to distraction from a bad headache. </p><p>A Bad Headache, on the other hand, was continuously slipping him emails regarding plans for lunch. Then plans for dinner. Then further plans that moved instead to text, lest someone discover Juno’s third fireable offense that morning. </p><p>Juno used to hate the low cubicles of the office that kept privacy to a minimum and noise pollution to a maximum, but with the occasional glance at the bent head of Peter Nureyev, a distracted hand pushing his hair back into place, the thoughtful tapping of an eraser on his lower lip, his knowing grin when he caught Juno’s eye...he was beginning to take less issue with the concept as a whole.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all so much for reading!! Please leave kudos or a comment below, I really appreciate the feedback!!</p><p>If you're interested, my tumblr is @hopeless-eccentric for any and all who want to come yell into any and all of my inboxes! (I encourage it)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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